COMFORT ZONE

From Wikipedia-- The comfort zone is a behavioral state within which a person operates in an anxiety-neutral condition, using a limited set of behaviors to deliver a steady level of performance, usually without a sense of risk.

An example of comfort--This is Sweet Pea in my operatory at work.  She is on her owner's lap waiting for the dentist to come in to do the exam.  She was clearly in her comfort zone here (she had been sitting patiently on her owner's walker/chair).   She is a service dog...yes, you read that right.

Everyone who knows my family of three (me, Ray and Carly) know that we like to do things that make sense.  We tend to do things that we are used to and where we will know the likeable outcome.  From the first time Ray and I mentioned our retiring to Panama last February, there was always a bit of cricket-like silence.  Until we leave Virginia for Panama, I am certain there is doubt in everyone's mine (including ours) that Ray and I can proceed outside our comfort zone.  We'll see about this.  Then, this past week I saw that Carly is trying to mix things up a bit, too.  

For the past year, Carly has been student teaching at an elementary school that has Kindergarten to fifth grade. She has been teaching third graders reading, writing and arithmetic (and oh so much more!).  Last week she set out for two interviews.  In Fairfax County, Virginia, the elementary schools house sixth graders as well.  Her first interview was at a school that was not the originally intended school where she meant to send her resume (it had been a long, busy, but fun-filled last week of college).  The second word View was mixed up with Hill in the name of the school, and she found herself answering the questions from a panel of four (Principal, two teachers and and instructional coordinator) at a school she had had no interest in working at (she didn't love the location, the website of the school was lacking, and the ratings weren't up to par).  It was also a school she knew nothing about (she couldn't grasp anything from its website or the reviews).  She had prepped herself for the other one.  Fortunately, the mistake was discovered before she drove west instead of north, and she had a chance to prep for the interview.  She walked away not knowing what grade she would teach if offered a job there, she did say it wasn't such a bad place after all.  She didn't love the area, but she loved the people she had met and had a great interview.  

Her second interview was at a school that she did have on her list, and the email was sent correctly.  The Principal received her resume and called her to interview for a fifth or sixth grade teaching position.   Fifth grade appealed to her, but not so much sixth.  She would go because she liked the location of the school, the website was wonderful, and the ratings were pretty good.  This time she interviewed with two six grade teachers and the Principal.  She walked away from this interview loving the school and those that she had met.  She had a wonderful feeling, and she told her dad she really liked everything she saw once there. She would work at this school if given the chance, but let's hope it would be for fifth grade.  Shortly after her interview, the email came for references, and after the holiday, the call came with a job offer--for six grade.  An email was sent to the teacher that mentored her last year and taught her how to teach the third graders (and how to teach in general), an email was sent to the Principal that offered her the job, a phone call between Carly and the Principal occurred, and they discussed my daughter's concerns.  And then she stepped out of her comfort zone and accepted the job.  Her concerns were "what if I have another interview and it's for third or fourth grade, but at a school I don't love?, what if there aren't more interviews to follow soon, what if I love the school but don't get great feelings from the Principal, and how will I know that I don't like teaching upper elementary grades unless I try teaching them first?"  

I couldn't be any more proud of my daughter for taking this big step.  Teaching the big kids of the school.  And I, too, am nervous for her.  I want her to start her career loving what she is doing and being enthusiastic from the get-go.  No, these kids won't be coloring or sitting on the floor as much, but they will be doing higher levels of math (her passion), and she will have more time to focus on the content of the subject (well, as much time as teachers get these days with all the other stuff they are expected to do in a day!).   But if she doesn't love it, she's not to feel committed to this grade.  There are not only other positions that can pop up yearly at this school, but there are 140 other elementary schools in the county.  So just like I hope this big move is the right one for her, challenges her, enlightens her and fills her days with excitement, I hope our big move to Panama does the exact for me.   

Once Carly returns from a music festival at VA Beach, and we return from the lake house, we are apartment hunting.  Another step in the right direction of the "letting go process".  It's the right time for her to fly, it's a way of life, and she knows we will always be there for her wherever we may settle.  

On another note, it has been ninety plus degrees in VA for the past three days (after having a sunny but chilly Memorial Day weekend--the nights were chilly, the days were gorgeous but not swimming weather!).  I am sitting on our screened in porch at Lake Anna listening to the cicadas sing, the birds chirp (one persistent one) and when I look up and out at the water, I see the cicadas trying to get at me through the screens.  Okay, my imagination...you tell me :)

                                              

This is one...he has friends.  Lots of friends.

MAC ATTACK AND SOME CICADAS ANYONE?

Picking up the truck to pack Carly out!

Wow!  Where did the week go!  Things have just happened over the past seven days that have made me sleepy and then again unable to sleep at times.  First off, seven days ago, Ray and I woke at the lovely hour of (earlier than) five am to hit the highway (yes, I-95 but southbound).  We had to leave a bit earlier since the rental truck Ray had reserved was not at the original shop, but there was one about twenty minutes farther from our daughter's apartment.  Ray decided we should move up the "wake up and go" time.  As we were driving along the highway, we noticed stopped cars ahead (we were about ten minutes into our trip).  What the ___?  That was Ray's exclamation.  On a Friday, at 5:40 am, southbound, what could possibly have gone wrong?  Oh, no problem, just a slight delay of a few minutes, and we passed the problem.  An 18-wheeler had its back crashed into.  The far right lane was closed, and there were some pretty blue tank-like cans in the road.  We continued on to Grafton, VA.  We picked up the lovely truck as seen above, got to Carly's apartment by 8:30, one of her roommates was still around as well as her boyfriend to help expedite the moving.  Thank goodness for the boys.  I hate moving couches and mattresses.  Thank goodness for her roommate helping, too.  We were done packing the truck and the backs of two cars (Ray drives a Juke, and she drives an older model of a Scion--think the toaster looking thing).   She cleaned a bit more, and out the door we went by ten am.  We hit the road to get home before anything could go wrong.  On the way home, there was an announcement (at eleven am) that I-95 southbound had just reopened.  It had been shut down for five hours.  There was a twenty mile backup.  This was from the accident we had driven through.  Those pretty blue tanks were phosphoric something or other--hazardous material spilled all over the road.  Hope we didn't breathe into deeply!  I called the office, because many of my co-workers leave work around 12:30 and was telling them to abort I-95!  Abort Route 1!  Find a different way to get home!  And that's when I was told that the office manager had been told "I have to let you go".  What the ___? was now my exclamation!  This woman has worked in the office for ten years.  Basically, the past week has pretty much told me nothing except that she must have done something not quite right to have been let go like that.  And I will leave that at that :(  Needless to say, there wasn't a plan since it was a bit sudden (sort of), so things at work are unusual.

Back to the packing and unpacking.  Once home, thank goodness we hit no traffic delays or I think Ray would have gone postal, we unloaded the truck, dropped it off and hit Moe's for lunch with Carly and her boyfriend.  What a day!  We put her bed, a dresser and nightstand (eventually to sell?) and few things back in her old room (she had been occupying the guest room over winter break), but we left the rest in the living room.  It will soon be going to an apartment somewhere.  We had some downtime Friday, Saturday Carly and I were at a bridal shower (her best friend is marrying in July, and Carly is a bridesmaid) about two hours from our house, a little downtime that night (Ray had a nice day I think although he had some testing going on at work and had to log in for a short time) and then we hit the road west on Sunday to the Apple Store.  A graduation gift to our daughter was a new computer.  A Mac more specifically.  She has been running down an old PC for the past four years, and it was time. 

 Now back to me again.  As Ray and Carly like to say, I must have toxic, poisonous fingertips.  In the past seven years, I put two laptops to rest (not my fault) and the third one that I recently had to start using was Carly's original laptop Circa 2001.  Time for me to get a new laptop!  This is where I was attacked by a MAC.  Holy cow!  I do not own an IPAD or IPHONE, so I do not know a whole lot about any of it.  This is why I signed up and paid for some One to One help :)  This is why blogging has gone by the wayside.  This is why I am sleepier by ten pm (my mind is toast).  The goal is to get into APPLE products so that hooking up with Carly once in Panama will be easy breezy.  We have gone the Skype route, and now we will Facetime.  We waited to buy these computers until Carly was home, so she could teach me (patiently?) some tricks of the trade.  She isn't next to me right now, and I managed to upload a picture so that's a big start.  And here I will try it again.  This thing is super fast which I LOVE and am so not used to!

This is a live cicada (the one's shown below are just the shells)

Lake House Cicadas

In Stafford, I was attacked by my MAC.  In Bumpass, we have been attacked slightly (not as bad as I thought) by Brood 2 Cicadas.  They show their red eyes every 17 years.  Once the female does her business and lays 600 eggs, she dies.  The male dies shortly after.  They are loud (not so much for me, but I can hear them), they can be eaten, and they are harmless.  This weekend is Memorial Day weekend.  Carly will come to the lake house for a day or two, her boyfriend may show up as well, one roomies sister is coming, but other than that, it will be a quiet weekend without any floating time.  It is supposed to be the warmest on Monday (75 degrees maybe that day, but today it is barely 60 and the next two days, it will possibly be 70).  We will be heading home  early enough to beat some traffic, as usual.  So my worries of floating on a raft in the serene calm waters of Lake Anna only to be a landing strip for cicadas go unwarranted.  Until next weekend--will there be more?  Perhaps this weekend kayaking is in order, and hopefully, they won't be out there over the water.  I hope to catch up on some sleep this weekend, try some new recipes (food and liquid one's), catch up with friends, play games, and perhaps learn a bit more about this super light, super fast 13 inch metallic piece of confusion.

MEDICAL INSURANCE--is it just me?

Like an idiot, I decided a few weeks ago to have an annual physical.  I figured that before moving to Panama, my numbers should be checked, so if need be, I can make sure they are in tip top shape before acquiring medical insurance in Panama.  My history with physicals is depressingly bad.  Not because I am in bad shape.  Nope, not that at all.  It's because of those two scary words: MEDICAL INSURANCE.  I try to do everything right by them, and I am always screwed.  Here is to let's hoping that the medical office simply erred in the medical coding this past visit.

Here is what I have gone through in the past ten plus years of trying to get a physical done and paid for correctly, and why I will enjoy just going to Panama and paying out of pocket for any "office visits".  For sure, Ray and I are getting major medical insurance coverage when we retire to Panama, and from what I have read, when it comes to getting a sore throat checked, or perhaps an antibiotic prescribed for a sinus or ear infection, I will pay the doctor at the time of visit and not cringe when I see that dreaded EOB (Explanation of Benefits) show up in the mail.

Quite a few years ago (perhaps ten plus), I went to see a Physician's Assistant for a physical that my insurance allowed every five years.  The PA did the usual blood cholesterol testing and made a comment that my thyroid looked enlarged.  (I have a long, skinny turkey neck so I would think it would always look a bit enlarged.)  She ran blood work to check my thyroid.  $250 out of my pocket later, my insurance came back basically saying, "Hell to the no, we won't pay that!  She went for a physical and nothing more".  I appealed and lost.  If I go to the office for a physical, I am not to complain about anything or have anything else looked at--I would have to leave the office, pay another co-pay, and return with another appointment (even if it is five minutes later) to have that matter evaluated.

Years go by and I am now in my forties and know that my cholesterol tends to run close to that border of "watch out".  My mom and her dad were on meds for high cholesterol, since diet didn't seem to keep the numbers low, so off I went to another office that had better hours, was brand new and a few minutes down the road.  The office and staff were super friendly.  Blood was drawn (they had to switch arms but the phlebotomist knew what she was doing), and off it went to the lab.  Nope.  The first time it was something about the blood not making it in time to the lab, so they couldn't get good readings.  I went back for more blood to be drawn (I was only off on a few Friday afternoons in the week so scheduling appointments was difficult).  This time the driver of my blood was sick and never quite made it with the blood to the lab, so it just sat and nothing was accomplished.  Meanwhile, I am getting those EOB's telling me my insurance company is really and honestly paying for this physical (WOW!), but hey, I have no results and they (meaning the doctor's office have now gotten payment and will be confused quite possibly, and I was right about this, when I go back again to have more blood drawn).  Three months go by with me calling the main billing specialist and playing phone tag trying to explain why they can't be accepting of this insurance payment when the procedure wasn't performed.  FINALLY, the Vice President of the lab calls me, has it all straightened out and simply says "Allison, we have to correct this mistake.  You have to go back and have more blood drawn when convenient so we can do right by you and the insurance company".  Whatever.  So I go back and try to explain to the new "nurse" (I am not giving her the title phlebotomist, because she was more like an angry needle sticker and didn't know what she was doing--was she a nurse?  lol  It didn't feel like it!) that she cannot put the codes in the computer for this visit, I am not paying a co-pay, and she cannot bill this procedure out to my insurance company.  She has no idea what has gone on with the past blood, the past two visits, etc (Do they not write things in the chart?  The original nurse had her baby and is on maternity leave.)  Perhaps this is why she was so curt.  She tried taking blood from the first arm (inside of the elbow) without luck.  Instead of going to the other side, like all nurses have in the past (!), she tries to take it from the top of my hand!  (I HAVE NEVER HAD THIS DONE BEFORE, AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT).  It didn't work.  Not enough blood came out.  Then she goes to the other hand!  How about trying the arm!?  She comments I may have to go to lab for blood work!  WTH!  Nothing!  FINALLY, she tries the other arm, and lo and behold, the blood flows perfectly.  Duh.  I just didn't like her now.  And guess what.  Yes, the blood did make it to the lab, but I bet she tainted it because my cholesterol came in at 210, and the doctor recommended fish oil two times a day and for me return in six months!  Like that ever happened!

A few months after that disastrous visit, I go for my annual "girl" visit to the gynecologist.  Here, they don't perform an entire exam.  No physical done, just focusing on certain parts.  I wrote that for a reason.  A few weeks later I get that EOB in the mail (these arrive after five pm usually on a Friday, so I can't make any phone calls for a few days and  get to stew about it the entire time), and my yearly gynecological exam has been denied.  Seems I already  had this procedure done a few months prior.  NOT.  This resulted in the billing specialist, the representative at the insurance company and me having a three way (LOL) conversation about why the BS at the medical office is NOT going to change her code, she has been doing this for thirty years, and it is fraudulent to change codes, and why the insurance company is being ridiculous, and the computer simply spit my claim out and decided to just deny it rather than research it.  I just listened :)  Needless to say, after that call, my claim was paid in full by the insurance company.

Here we are three years later, and I think, go have your numbers checked.  What could go wrong?  Ray calls the insurance company and finds out EXACTLY what can be done at the time of the physical appointment.  We can now have an annual exam yearly.  I have been pleased with using Patient First (a little better to me than a "doc in the box") in the past (had a lump on my knee checked and toe issues looked at), and Carly has had success, so off I go.  Easy breezy.  I also know that the doctor there is ONLY ALLOWED TO CHECK my blood pressure, height, weight (wow, thanks BlueCrossBlueShield), bone density (not an exam they perform there though), glucose (haven't had this done since I don't know when) and blood cholesterol levels.  When the assistant has me read an eye chart, I have a moment of concern, ask her about it and then feel safe that this won't be an issue.  I have my blood drawn (simple as pie), my finger pricked (I HATE THIS, but my sugars are beautiful!), and the next day they call (I wanted a piece of paper in the mail and not a phone call) with the numbers.  The total is high (229), and my LDL's stink (136--borderline high), but Triglycerides are ideal.  It is recommend I watch my diet (I guess losing 15 pounds didn't help), exercise and having it checked in six months.  I continue to take my fish oil, and here comes that EOB.  This time I receive it after five pm on a Wednesday.  Here is the note:

The patient's coverage does not provide for the Routine Preventative Health Care service when performed with the reported diagnosis code.  No payment can be made.

Patient may owe (well, I will owe if we don't fix this!)--

Preventative Medical Care (meaning "office visit" which could be the big error in coding)---------$ 123.00
Glucose Pathology Test--------------------------------------------------------------------------$  25.00
Special Service (I truly feel special now)----------------------------------------------------------$  19.00
Venipuncture (this was great so I could pay this since so easy!)----------------------------------- $    8.00
Cholesterol Pathology Test-----------------------------------------------------------------------$    93.00

I guess I could have to pay a whopping $268 if it isn't resolved.   I pick up the phone, since Patient First has crazy hours.  First step is that the billing specialist at Patient First is re-evaluating why the code is the code and why, if my insurance pays for an annual exam, why oh why, can't the coding be different to state ANNUAL PHYSICAL EXAM THAT ALLISON GUINN DOES NOT HAVE TO PAY FOR TODAY?  So now I wait.  Wait for the error to be corrected.
I decided to rant and rave here, because this is what I would do when I kept a journal for Carly (it was my place to shout and vent).  And now that this post is almost complete, I am tucking the EOB's away in a cubbie to not be looked at until I get that new statement, bill, EOB or flowers at my doorstep apologizing for the mistake!  My blood pressure was low in the office, but boy, this really throws it off the chart.

Now I will be afraid to go back in six months to have it checked again.  Now I am afraid to go ask about having an earlier than recommend and paid for colonoscopy (before heading out to Panama) since many deaths in my family have been due to colon cancer (Patient First physician did say that due to familial history, my insurance company--if I am high risk--should waive the "to be done at 50 and older" regulation hahaha), but I also know that when Ray goes to the doctor the insurance company will most likely owe him money or send him to Bora Bora or give him praise for using his benefits to the fullest!

I work in a dental office, so I know the insurance company games that can be played.  I have had to be a part of the games for quite a few years now when I am just simply trying to go and make sure I am healthy (how dare I try for this).  Health care and insurance is what is driving us to Panama (oh, and not working is a biggie). I hope I can play other games and not this kind when there.

FIRST DUCK IN THE ROW

Before my wonderful Mother's Day weekend started, Ray had to drop clothes off at the dry cleaners and fill the car up with gas (in our area, it is coming down to $3.45/gallon for regular).  We have used the same cleaners for fifteen years, so we have come to know the owner's son a little bit.  He knows about our adventure to Sweden for my car, buying the lake house, Carly playing soccer, going off to school and grad school, and yes, he knows about Panama.  He asked Ray this past weekend if we were still on track for Panama.  Ray told him "first step down, getting Carly graduated"!  Wow.  He is right.  This is what we have been saying all along, and it's the story we are sticking to.  Carly graduates, and she gets settled in her new life.  And once I see that she is settled with a place to live, a job and some security with her new surroundings, before we know it, we are off to Panama.

A patient of mine today told me she was moving back to Louisiana in two weeks.  It's home for her.  She has traveled with her husband for years, since he was active military.  He is giving up their settled life here in VA including his job for her--to be with her family/parents.  He doesn't have a job yet, but he does have a pension.  If he doesn't find a job there, they will be okay and will volunteer and find things to do.  Naturally, I told her about Panama and what we will do once there (or so we think). We talked about packing it all up and leaving the rat race.  She told me I was more adventurous that she ever could be.  She would have to move her entire family with her.  I told her it helps to know that we have established a few relationships and friendships in Panama already.  It was exciting sharing the news with a patient (I have only told maybe three).  I told her that the hardest part will be not being able to jump in a car to see Carly at the drop of a hat.  I can say until I am blue in the face that it is only 4 1/2 hour direct flight to Dulles Airport, but it is going to be a big deal.  While I am hoping for the excitement of the changes to be had, and just in general the life changing events to unfold, I am wanting it all to slow down a bit today.  What I am really trying to figure out is where did the last 21 years go?  Here's hoping the next year is just as exciting and fulfilling, but perhaps it will go in reverse a few minutes every day.

They just love picture taking time!

Proud parents with Carly at The Trellis (Williamsburg, VA)

Walking the walk to get her Master's Degree

Carly and Tom (Jefferson) arm in arm

Shaking hands and hugging Professors after getting her degree

Momma and Carly

Carly's Bachelor and Master's Degree=$90K  That smile=Priceless!

From 3rd grade (age 8) to now (age 21)

End of a beautiful Mother's Day.

KANANAD IS HER NAME, PAIN IS HER GAME

Such a lovely day.  It was all about me which is exactly how my Fridays off should be :)
Mother's Day is right around the corner, my birthday just happened, Carly graduates on Sunday, so I simply had to go and get some spa services.  My first appointment was with a non-English speaking, super nice man for a manicure/pedicure.  Usually the language barrier isn't a problem, since I just turn the massage chair on and close my eyes (mostly for the pedi) OR I watch tv (and today it was a great hour of "Let's Make A Deal".  I did choose the right curtain and boxes at times).  But I had to discuss my ugly big toe with him.  Same toe that I have had to discuss with the other pedicurist there, only then (in March the two times I visited this salon), the toe wasn't quite as ugly.  I dropped a rather large spice jar on my big toe over the Christmas holidays.  It has slowly been breaking, peeling, flaking, turning colors, and I won't go on, but it just doesn't look quite right.  It isn't all there (yes, I have sought professional help).  After he smiled and asked for help in the translation (he should be taking English as a second language perhaps, like I am going to take Spanish all over again?), we were on our way to a pretty lavender color.  BUT again, he pointed to a shorter nail (most of the others had just started to grow out), asked if I wanted a "cut down" and I said, "just file them to make them shapelier".  How that translated into "cut all my nails to the quick", I will never know!  Oh well, it's not like I can keep long nails at work.  For what can be seen of the color, they do look better.  More on this color later though.

Had to get some grocery shopping in, because I am going to try a new recipe for dinner.  Wish me luck!  I stalk the Pinterest pages, and I pin lots of recipes, but I haven't tried very many.  Maybe once Carly is home for a while, she will make some of my recipes for me while I am slaving away at work.  Oh, and while Ray is slaving away, too.

I know I looked this pretty while getting my massage.  I forgot the flower for my hair!

Final errand was to have a massage.  I feel like I am in Panama where we have been told to only expect to do two or three things MAYBE during the day.  Errands don't get accomplished quickly, apparently.  I think I might have posted a while ago that I had given Ray a gift card THREE YEARS ago on Valentine's Day after a ton of snow had dropped in Virginia that winter, and he wisely and finally re-gifted it back to me this past Valentine's Day.  This is where Kananad comes into the story.  I, after thirty years of dental hygiene services, at times get pain (annoying muscular pain but nothing Ibuprofen can't handle) in my lower back, and it radiates around the hip and down the front of my leg.  It pops up not too often which is good.  But when it comes along, it is very bothersome.  I needed the muscles popped out (when my knots around my shoulder blades are "popped" and broken up, I always envision popping peas out of a pod.  Pop, pop, pop--no, I don't usually fall asleep on the table, because I am taking it all in and breathing really hard when she gets to those bigger, badder muscles aka gluteus maximus!).  She was fabulous!  Things were done I have never had done before (still talking about massages here now).  I have had my stomach massaged only once, but I have been asked--not her.  Got right to it.  Since my right hip, pelvis, thigh, and that major gluteus muscles were all pitching a fit (twitching and trying to collapse under her elbow), she managed to massage around my stomach, and there you have it--no pain!  She gave me exercises to try, told me how to walk correctly, how to sit and move a lot at work, and gave me delicious cold water--I was exhausted and parched!  What a workout!  Painfree for the most part lasted a whole two hours though.  I need off the couch, off the computer and to go do some stretches! Or start dinner. I was thinking, as usual since I can't just rest during my massage, that when in Panama I may elicit the use of a chiropractor.  I have connections through Clyde and Terry.  Maybe the chiropractor can adjust the heck out of my whole body and get those muscles back in shape, since leaning over a patient won't be happening anymore!

Not me, and the pain is on the right side

In all fairness though, Ray is doing what he loves best.  He went to work, sat in traffic for only ninety minutes today (he left at 1:30), and he is now napping.

 Back to the color of my nails...what to do, what to do.  My anal retentiveness tells me to polish over them, but--what's the problem?  I have a pretty lavender color, but my pretty dress is all fuchsia   So wrong!

Lavender on my nails

The flower color in my dress.

Tomorrow we are off to Williamsburg to see Carly and her boyfriend, have a fabulous celebratory dinner, and on Sunday, she graduates.  She saw all A's on her "report card" as a graduate student and is going to go places!  Whether I screw up my mani/pedi or not, Happy Mother's Day to me!

48 HERE, 50 THERE?

Mostly wondering today, on my 48th birthday and whistling while working (I can't whistle, and I am never that enthused anymore) IF I will be in Panama on my 50th birthday!  I sure hope so!  IF all goes according to plan...
Ray and I went for an early dinner yesterday (a salad for me and boneless fried chicken wings for him) after celebrating Saturday night with Sangria and tacos (he didn't imbibe, had the greasy hamburger meat and I, as usual, had ground chicken) at our lake house with roomies.  We also ate yummy frozen yogurt.  I was stuffed and decided I needed to walk, since it is going to rain for the next five days.  Ray took a nap.  Back from my walk, it didn't take long to see that Ray didn't feel all that well.  Food poisoning again?  Same pain he had four months ago.  I asked about other symptoms to rule out heart attack.  Today at work, he managed to make it to work with four hours of sleep most likely, he was told by a co-worker, "it sounds like it was your gallbladder".  I, too when describing my weekend and Ray's condition, was told, "it sounds like it's his gallbladder".  Hopefully, I will get names of gastroenterologist and Ray will have a simple test done.  I just cannot imagine he was suffering food poisoning again, even though he felt suspicious of the chicken being cooked thoroughly.  Tonight, Ray was in bed at 7:30.  What a year he is having!

Happy birthday a mi (to me)!

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!

A year ago today, I posted for the first time to this blog.  I remember being so nervous writing and writing about what?  I knew that I wanted to start keeping a "journal" about how and why Ray and I decided to retire to Panama.  I am a journal keeper of sorts anyways (I kept a journal about Carly and for Carly for fifteen plus years of her life), so it just made sense to put it all down on paper.  Or the way it's done nowadays would be on the computer for anyone to see.  I wanted to make sure I had the etiquette down and along the way, I started reading other blogs and taking notes.  One year later, I have had to change the blog to be more about life in Virginia up to our retirement rather than what I am researching and discovering about Panama.  This is because Ray and I have visited Panama twice, made friends and connections (virtual and not) who are living in Panama and almost there, hired an attorney (so we think), and now it is more getting the paperwork together for our VISA and a waiting game.  With Panama, it is always a waiting game.  So Happy One Year Anniversary to me!  Okay, since Ray has blogged twice, it is his party, too.

This week has been a definitive one for me in regards to getting Ray out of here (work, the commute).  I had the opportunity to have dinner with friends in Northern Virginia on Wednesday night.  The restaurant is 40 miles from my office.  I was driving opposite rush hour traffic and on a Wednesday (Thursdays can be very bad both directions).  It didn't matter.  It took almost seventy minutes to get to a wonderful place with excellent food and conversation with friends, but the traffic!  Noise, congestion, construction, stop and go--I had the convertible top down which didn't help.  I was tense.  I am not used to driving in that anymore.  Ray makes the commute daily.  I don't blame him for leaving the house at three am to avoid even half the crowd.  Now with the construction for HOT lanes, the HOV (High Occupancy Lanes) lanes that he can catch before five am aren't even open.  When I was driving home from dinner, the HOV lanes should have been open still going southbound.  NOT.  What a mess.  Barriers on both sides, no shoulder lanes, and all this to go on for another year.  We will be out of here by the time it is all completed.  I need to give Ray more of a life!  I was thinking though "well, if you just moved north once Carly has moved on...".  But it wouldn't matter.  I would still be in the rat race, still having to work to afford living  north and having Ray staying with his job for our health insurance.  No thanks.  When I had a new patient this past week, age 90 with dementia, and I couldn't treat her since she hadn't taken the required antibiotic prior to her appointment, I was super happy (she has had hip replacement and one hour before a dental appointment some physicians still want patients with artificial joints to take an antibiotic to prevent infection--the rules keep changing on this, but when I called her doctor, I was told "yes, pre-medicate her)!  Yay!  She is a deaf woman and very vocal (she can't
 hear herself chanting and singing), and I was just burnt out.  I didn't feel like doing the job.  A big sign that I am "done".
Back to my traffic woes though.  So I told Ray I am just so sorry, and I understand his going to bed at eight pm and will try to be more understanding when, on the weekends, he is falling asleep by ten.  This past week I-95 has had not been shut down once going northbound during the morning rush hour due to tractor trailer and motorcycle crashes, or twice, but THREE times it has been closed down!  Lanes closed to medivac people out of there!  Back ups for ten plus miles!  Two out of three happened at Quantico, VA.  The other one was a bit more north, but again, anyone leaving Stafford (my town) has no way out of the mess.  My eight minute commute (due to the back up of getting on 95) was twenty plus the other day (I know, don't take pity on me).  Patients canceled and no showed.  Employees late.  Just a phenomenal week of a mess on that highway.

Not only do we hear Quantico Marines and the "bombing",  but those living near these huge steel rods hear banging every fifteen minutes.  These will be to upright an overpass someday.  

HOV lanes nice and open.  Not so great on the main lanes.

The left side is what Ray sits in at the end of his day.  The middles is future HOT lanes to our neck of the woods.

I realize now even more and keep telling myself and others that with these accidents (there have been fatalities), with my dinner to celebrate a friends final chemotherapy treatment before major surgery due to Stage 3 cancer, and with finding out in the past year that two friends and one relative have cancer, it really seals the deal that life is super short and unknown.
Now looking back on my anniversary year of being a blogger, oh what a year.  Carly is almost done with graduate school (a year ago I was blogging about going to her undergraduate ceremony) and has signed on with Fairfax County Schools to work as an elementary school teacher.  She is dating someone.  She will be home in a few weeks for who knows how long.  Her best friend is marrying in July.  There have been cancer scares for long time friends.  We have taken many trips including two visits to Panama.  Clyde and Terry Coles are true friends now and not virtual.  They helped us connect with other friendly faces while in Panama.

With Terry Coles

Also in the last year, I have expanded my online reading of quite a few blogs.  I have many people I will want to connect with once in Panama and settled.  I have been reading first and foremost about Clyde and Terry and their life settling into Chame from Texas eighteen months ago, another blogger is a stay at home dad that lives in Panama City, there is a woman writer and her husband that are settled in David, another woman and her husband that have retired to Pedasi, along with a Canadian woman who writes about her life in a new house in Pedasi, also a woman blogs (rarely now though) from Panama City about her not really loving life in PC while her husband works there for another year or so, a young teacher that moved from Arizona to teach  music in PC, a woman and her husband and traveling and blogging and have stayed in three different locations in Panama and then moved onto Costa Rica and are figuring out where to settle (if they will settle anytime soon) and finally another woman that owns a restaurant with her husband in Gorgona.  There are others that keep me up to date in the Boquete area and then there is Don Winner (Panama Guide) that keeps me current with PC news.

Starting today,  I am having a big celebratory week with this blogging anniversary, my birthday coming up, and Mother's Day (Carly's graduation day!).  When I think about the past year, I have not only learned a great deal about Panama (who would have ever thought!) and the blogging world,  most importantly I have found love and support from my family and friends (though some may not like the idea and are saddened by our idea of leaving, they are trying hard to be happy for us), and my relationship with Ray is strengthened all the more with our commitment to being there for one another, staying sane and focused, in our quest to dramatically change our lives!  Wonder what my two year anniversary post will be about?  Stay tuned!